This year I’m thinking about a lot of areas in my life where I’d like to see improvement. One of those areas is my marriage. It’s been a stressful season of life for us, we bought a new house and are remodeling it, we both started new jobs and we’re both trying to find a balance in how we spend our time. It’s easy for both of us to forget what is important. Because of this, we’ve had a tendency to have unspoken and unmet expectations, poor communication, and arguments. Since Thanksgiving, Josh and I have discussed several things that we think will remind us to love each other and pursue the Lord together. We’ve started to implement a few and they’ve been helpful already.

1. Let’s Date Each Other Again

When I think back on dating Josh I think about how we emphasized spending time together. We had one night a week that was reserved for the just the two of us. Monday nights were spent watching a movie, reading the Word, eating dinner together, and it was usually full of a lot of laughter. Now that we are married and live in the same home, we’ve lost that need or rather lost the motivation to really spend intentional time together. I’d like to start dating again in the new year. Maybe sometimes that will mean leaving the house to do something fun or maybe it will mean eating dinner together at home and just enjoying each other’s company. It might even mean double dating with friends. I think we need a healthy dose of fun added back into our weeks together, something that will remind us why we fell in love.

2. Read the Bible and Pray Together

This was such a key part of our dating relationship but I don’t think it’s something we’ve valued as much being married. Over the advent season we started reading the story of Jesus’ birth together every night and it was so sweet. We were more loving towards each other and I felt we were on the same page in making decisions together. We’re a work in progress in this area, but I’m praying that we continue this together. I think just the little glimpse of good I saw over the path month is a reason to read and pray together more.

3. Encourage One Another

We spent our New Year’s Eve at home this year and it was a great time of reflecting and planning for the next year. We looked at our budget (party!!!) and made decisions together about our money. We were reminded that our money belongs to the Lord and that we need honor him together in that by both taking responsibility for our finances. Each week we are going to sit down on Friday together to go over our budget, this way we can keep each other accountable to the decisions we have made about spending our money wisely. We also shared other goals, some like the two above, ways we want to be a better spouse, things we want to accomplish with the house, being healthier all around and ways we both want to grow in our individual relationships with the Lord. We have to communicate these things with each other in order to effectively encourage and be encouraged.

Now, I totally don’t want to come across as though we have this whole marriage thing figured out…we totally don’t! In fact, in the middle of writing this post we had a huge teary, angry fight and it was not fun. After the fight I thought I shouldn’t even finish this post because it’s obvious the things we’ve been trying aren’t working. But honestly, I think that’s Satan’s way of trying to convince me that marriage isn’t worth it, that it’s easier to not try to love Josh or want to make an effort to know him better. Satan knows that when Josh and I are really close we’re better at being on the same page and moving towards the Lord. But he also knows that when we fight we are distracted from working our hardest to display in our marriage the beautiful reflection of Christ and His Church. 

So today I’m reminding myself, by sharing these habits with you, that Jesus has already won, that His power is much more capable than my own to hold our marriage together. We’re still learning, we’re still sinful and it’s okay if you are too because if you follow the Lord then your marriage is held together by the Creator of the universe. My goal is to continue to try and make these habits a priority, even if some days it seems like it isn’t working, because I know that my marriage doesn’t rest on my shoulders or Josh’s, but on Christ’s and that the only load I carry is His.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

Share with me the habits you want to start with your spouse or the dreams you have of what marriage should look like. I’d love to hear them!